From Surface to Soul

The difference between an average essay and an unforgettable one is depth.

Student C, was applying to NYU’s Undergraduate Cinema Studies programme. The 2024 short-response prompt asked students to reflect on being a bridge builder—someone who connects people, cultures, and ideas in a world that often feels disconnected.

Question: What personal experiences or challenges have shaped you as a bridge builder? (250 word limit)

What this question is not

• Solely making connections or building friendships. 

• Solely multicultural experiences

• Soley about describing the problem faced and how it was solved. 

What this prompt is about:

• Self-awareness

• Emotional insight

• Ability to translate life's even the simplest moments into meaning through realistic moments of action. 

First Draft 

“Constant relocation throughout my childhood shaped me into a builder of bridges, both literal and metaphorical….I learned to navigate the delicate dance of integration, to read the room, and to bridge the gap between "the new" and "the familiar."

Final Draft Introduction 

“Growing up, constant relocation shaped me into a bridge builder…..Each move opened a new chapter…lesson into art of connection……A memorable experience was moving from Europe to Asia… I volunteered for the dragon dance ceremony at my new school… The experience served as a gateway to new friendships…”

Student C’s first draft was good but not great. 

The final draft shows 

✔ A clear setting
✔ A real example
✔ Cultural curiosity
✔ Vulnerability
✔ Action and growth
✔ A moment that reveals character

This first draft just tells the officer in a surface manner that he is a bridge builder and it is a waste of words. The second goes straight into how that experience shaped you into a bridge builder, providing a specific experience that helps the admissions officer really get to know you. 

Student C’s transformation shows what happens when a student stops writing for approval and starts writing from truth.

Writing a college essay isn’t about fancy vocabulary — it’s about reflection, honesty, and courage to go deeper. Student C struggled in the beginning: wrote vaguely, stayed on the surface, avoided vulnerability. Through revisions, guided questions, and feedback, they finally connected to their authentic story, providing specific experiences that let the admissions into their lives and helped the admissions to connect to the kind of person whom would be a great addition to the university community.